ANTI-ARMOUR TROOPER  
  Code Name: SALVO  
 

As the eighties drew to a close, G.I. Joe sales were slowly declining. Thankfully, some bright spark at Hasbro saw the way to reverse this – give all the characters comically oversized weaponry. One of the first proponents of this wet-brained meltdown was Salvo, released in 1990.

He was in the DiC cartoon a fair bit, where he at least managed to be less irritating than Cobra opposite number Metalhead. But then Metalhead could teach spambots, skin diseases and Scooter a few things about being irritating, so don’t get the impression Salvo was anything less than scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Just sticking to the figure for now, take a look at Salvo. With his bald head and vaguely unsettling right wing t-shirt he looks like he’d be at home in hanging around a gas station in Arsepimple TX, ever ready to lynch any passing black men. He’s not a Real American Hero, he’s a Real American Lump of Psychopathic Gristle. The helmet actually makes him look even more like a knuckle-dragging moron. Now, factor into that his weaponry – a huge backpack-cum-missile launcher that he can barely hold without topping over, which looks like the sort of thing designed to turn a Vietnamese village into a red smear and a few burnt bits of wood. And just in case he wasn’t reprehensible enough, he’s got a gun that fires mines. There’s a vague claim that he uses them against tanks, but take a look at him – there really can’t be any doubt he uses them against dirty foreign babies, can there?

The worst thing about Salvo isn’t that he looks stupid, indicative of the total lack of fresh ideas Hasbro had at the time. It isn’t that he can barely use his stupid OTT armament. It’s that someone, somewhere actually thought this piece of shit looked quite heroic and cool. Absolute rubbish.


G.I. Joe Salvo
G.I. Joe Salvo
G.I. Joe Salvo
G.I. Joe Salvo